How To Find Your Real Parents

You have always wondered who your real parents are. When you were young, your adoptive parents hardly if ever mentioned them. This reticent attitude may have stemmed from a concern about your ability to understand and act on the information. Now that you are of age you are ready to know the truth.

The fact that you were adopted has never been a barrier to the love and trust between you and your parents. And you need not worry about offending your adoptive parents with your search; they understand your natural curiosity. If you have recently had your own child, finding your natural parents may be a task of practical necessity—for health history and other reasons.

Ask The Hard Question

Answering the question who are my real parents actually begins with your adoptive parents. Perhaps they have never shared what they know because you have never asked them direct question. Now is the time to do so. Putting query directly to them may provide you with insight into who your biological mother and father are.

Next Stop: The Adoption Agency

Your adoptive parents may not know anything or they may know very little about your birth parents. Your next step, it this is the case, is to go to the adoption agency. The information you find there will depend on the type of adoption that was carried out. If it was a closed adoption, then the agency will have no facts concerning your real mom and dad. If it was an open adoption, you may be able to get enough information to track them down. However, you may want to find out first if the adoption record is public, as in open or closed.

It is important to keep in mind, and this is part of the process of finding and making contact with them, that your biological parents may have made the decision they did at the time because they thought it was for the best. Any number of circumstances could have led them to think it was best to give you a life completely independent of their own. If they chose an open adoption, and your adoptive parent agreed, it may have been because they wanted you to find them when the time was right, or they may have promised themselves to find you at some point. It may even be the case that they have monitored your progress through life but did not think it wise or prudent to insert themselves into it.

These are very difficult and emotional decisions, so you should try not to judge either set of parents too harshly.

Go Online

The lack or scantiness of information in your adoption records does not mean that you are out of options to find your birth parent. Even if you have very little information you can continue your question and satisfy the yearning to find my real parents. A number of high-end sites have emerged over the last decade that are dedicated to people like you—people who want to find their real mother and father.

Typing in the words find my biological parents will take you to a number of them. With a first and last name, a city and state, and a rough age you will have a good chance of finding the people who brought you into the world.

You should keep in mind, however, that these matters can be complicated. You may very well find out who your mother is and where she lives. Finding your father may prove more difficult. In fact, the man your mother identifies as your father may deny paternity. If you find yourself in this situation, it is best not to assume too much about either parent. You were not there when whatever it is they had took place, and you cannot be sure of the circumstances that led them to make the decisions they did.

The Best Way To Verify Your Parentage

Keeping a cool and balanced demeanor is one of the most important parts of finding your real parents. If you believe that one or the other of the persons you found is a birth parent, the only way to prove this is so is get a DNA test. But in order to do that they must be willing to provide a sample to test. They are more likely to be uncooperative if they believe you mean them ill.

DNA testing is the best way to verify your parentage. The companies that do this kind of testing include:

23andMe,
Ancestry.com
AncestryDNA

Keeping Control Of Your Emotions

Although these matters are charged with emotions, it is important to keep yours under control. Getting the people you believe to be your parents to help you prove whether this is true or false belief is best done by courteous and cordial and trying to establish the best relationship you can with them. You’ll be able to possibly find relatives you’ve never met too.

Genetics are not everything. Your real mom and dad can never replace the parents who loved, nurtured, sacrificed, and cared for you all those years. It is nevertheless important to know who they are. The lifelong puzzle of all that happened to lead to your being given up for adoption is one that will continue to bother you until it is resolved.